


Help You Heal || Josh Dun / Tyler Joseph

by Mind_drabbles



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecurity, M/M, Mentions Of Blurryface, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, insecure!tyler, maybe eventual smut, patient!tyler, therapist!josh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 10:48:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14932814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mind_drabbles/pseuds/Mind_drabbles
Summary: 'Josh! I have a new patient for you, Tyler Joseph. He is 19 years old and probably has social anxiety or a different social disorder.'As Tyler struggles a lot with his social anxiety and the voice of Blurryface inside his head, he decides to practice his social skills together with therapist Josh.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hey readers!  
> This fanfic will have multiple chapters and i will try to post one daily or every 2 days. I started with a short chapter but they will get longer.
> 
> Also it contains self-harm and social anxiety so please be careful with that, stay alive! |-/

[Tyler POV]  
'I don't know Bren, it won't help anyway.' 'Ty, if you don't give it a shot it won't help indeed. Just try it once and see how it goes.' Damn it, now tears started to form in his eyes. 'It's too hard, how can i talk about my fear of talking to new people and stuff with someone i don't even know! That is exactly what i fear.' He knew he was working himself up and felt the panic building inside. 'Hey, hey, calm down. Slow breaths, follow me. 5 seconds in and 5 seconds out.' Brendon softly spoke, grabbing Tyler's hands to ground him. I listened to him and my breath slowed down. 'Thanks Brendon, i will think about it. I just don't get therapy but maybe i will give it a try',Tyler hesitantly said. Brendon smiled widely 'That's great! Okay i am going home now but here is the number of the therapist my friend was talking about. Bye!' With trembling hands, i took the card from him and waved him goodbye. 

When the door closed behind him, i felt so horrible and tired. I laid down on bed and like expected he heard it again. Or better said, he heard HIM again. Blurry. 'Why would you go to a therapist Tyler? You know they can't help you. You are a helpless person, nothing can heal something so broken. Just give up!' The thoughts went on and on and all i wanted was to fall asleep and hear nothing but the voice was too loud. 'You know what to do when you want to sleep, Ty-Ty.' 'No!' I thought, 'not again'. But i didn't know a different way and ten minutes later the pain had silenced Blurry. Sobbing softly I put bandages on my wrists and went back to bed. 

The next morning i sat up in bed, not remembering falling asleep. My wrists ached badly when i stood up so i grabbed the creams and clean bandages to make sure the wounds wouldn't get infected and started making breakfast. I hated mondays, it meant having to work for the next 4 days. Don't get me wrong, i love the music store where i work called Guitar Center but the interaction is too hard for me. I am so lucky that my boss is so nice and she allowed me to work in the back, fixing old guitars. 

As i ate the rest of my cereal, i kept looking at the coffee table. Or more specifically, the light blue card on it. I knew i had to do it. I couldn't keep going on like this. When i gathered enough courage, i grabbed my phone and dialed the number. There was a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach that tightened when i heard a voice on the other side 'Hello, this is the therapy centre Rise, you are talking to Pete. How can i help you?' I swallowed and almost whispered 'h- hi. My n- n- name is tyler and umm... i- i would like to... to get therapy f- for a social fear.' Pete heard the stuttering and mumbling and understood that this was already a big thing for the boy. Pete said 'Good that you called us Tyler, we can help you with that. I can set up an appointment with our therapist Josh Dun. He helps a lot of people with social fears. It is going to be okay!' That kind of relieved me. The man on the phone was so nice and we made an appointment with Dr. Dun in three days.

[Josh POV]  
'Hey Pete! Busy day?' I asked him seeing the stack of paperwork on his desk. Pete nodded 'It's crazy! But i have a new patient for you, Tyler Joseph. He is 19 years old and probably has social anxiety or a different social disorder. He has trouble going outside and besides his work, he mostly stays inside his house.' 'Got it! When is his first session?' I asked. I got the rest of the information and started working on the forms as the boy will be here in a few days.


	2. Session 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler panicks about the first session with Josh but is strong enough to go anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers, this story contains multiple chapter and i will try to post one daily or once every 2 days. 
> 
> Also this story contains self-harm and panic attacks. Stay alive |-/

[Tyler POV]  
As soon as i opened my eyes, the fear sunk in. It was thursday. My first appointment with Dr. Dun is in less than 4 hours. I made myself pancakes but the smell of them only made me feel sicker. My stomach was going insane and i didn't know how i was going to survive this. I was contemplating calling the therapy centre Rise to say i'm sick. But i knew i wasn't sick, it was the panic rushing inside of me. 

I didn't realise i was zoned out, panicking about the therapy and Blurry until i heard a car honk outside. I looked out the window and saw Brendon waving at me. He was bringing me to Rise, the amazing friend he is. He kept saying he was proud of me for going to Rise but i felt awful. 

With shaking hands i opened the car door. Brendon patted me on the shoulder and reassured me that it was going to be alright. 'I will pick you up in an hour, good luck Ty!' He yelled as he drove off. The building in front of me wasn't as big as i imagined, it looked quite small and cosy. I walked inside and saw a man sitting behind a desk. 'h- hi im-tyler-and-i-am-here-for-dr-dun', i said in one breath. The man smiled 'Hello Tyler, i am Pete. The man who you called. If you go upstairs you can sit in the waiting room and Dr. Dun will pick you up. 

[Josh POV]  
I sat in my office, getting ready to meet Tyler. I grabbed my noteblock, pen and laptop and waited for Pete to call me that he arrived. A few minutes later, my phone beeped and i picked up. 'He is here Josh. He looked terrified and was trembling so be careful with him.' 'Always Pete! Thanks for letting me know.' I hung up and stood up to go to Tyler. 

Walking around the corner, i saw a thin boy in a oversized sweater with brown and fluffy hair. His hands were shaking harder than i had ever seen and his eyes were wide and shoot back and forth around the room. I walked in the room and softly said 'Tyler? You can come with me to my office.' The boy stood up and followed me closely. In the office he sat down and i asked him if he wanted something to drink but he shook his head no. 

'So, i am Dr. Dun but you can call me Josh.' The boy opened and closed his mouth, only a little whimper escaping. Tears formed in his eyes and his breath got caught and then fastened very quickly. I knew i had to handle fast as he went into full panic mode. 'Tyler, can you tell me 5 things you can see right now?' Tyler knew about this coping method so he just went along with it knowing it had helped him before. 'I- i see a plant, you, desk, p- painting and umm... a laptop.' 'Good job!', I complimented him, knowing he needed the confirmation he was doing it right 'now tell me 4 things you can feel'. Tyler breathed in slowly and whispered 'the chair, my sweater, my jeans and your desk.' I nodded, glad Tyler's breath was slowing down a bit 'Okay, how about 3 things you can hear?' Tyler answered in one breath, not thinking about his answer 'your voice, my voice and Blurry.' I noticed how Tyler widened his eyes and clenched his fists realising he said too much. Who was Blurry? I wondered but i knew not to ask it now so instead i asked 'Right, now 2 things you can smell.'umm... y- you and the flowers.' Tyler said in a small voice. 'That was amazing, now 1 deep breath.' I saw Tyler inhaling and exhaling and waited for a few moments to let him really calm down. 

As their session went on Tyler slowly started talking about how he was scared of new people because he always scared them off or they didn't like him. He was bullied in the past and friends had left him alone. I understood where his fear came from. I looked over at the boy and doubted asking about that Blurry thing but as i saw how he was still shaking a little and looked very uncomfortable i wrote a note down about it for later. 'Have you ever heard of exposure therapy, Tyler?' Tyler shook his head. I explained 'We are going to make a step-by-step plan and every session we will take a new step towards your end goal.' 'So y- you will be with me when i do that right?' Tyler asked me hesitantly. 'Yes, we are in this together and we are going to make this work. If it gets too much for you, just tell me. So, what is your end goal?' Tyler thought about it for a while but couldn't come up with anything specific. 'How about you think about it and tell me our next session? I will think of some first steps to start with next time.' I said. Tyler nodded but looked a bit scared. As we stood up, i patted his back and said 'It's going to be okay Tyler. You are a great guy and together we can do anything.' 

[Tyler POV]  
And for the first time in our session, i genuinely looked at Josh and realised how amazing the boy looked with his faded pink hair and kind eyes. He told me i was a great guy and i couldn't help but to blush a little bit. This whole exposure thing scared me but i started to trust Josh. He made me believe that it was possible.


	3. Session 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the second session Tyler and Josh talk about exercises and Blurry. Tyler has a very rough day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers! I hope y'all enjoy the story!
> 
> Please be careful as this chapter contains self-harm and mentions of suicidal thoughts. Stay safe! |-/

One week later  
[Josh POV]  
With a wide smile, i walked into the waiting room. Tyler sat there, the difference between last week and now was huge. He was still very uncomfortable and his head shot up when he heard me walking in there but the shaking reduced a lot. 'Come in Tyler!' I greeted the brown haired boy. We sat down in the office and i asked him about the end goal ideas. Tyler stared at the flowers next to Josh and started talking 'I- i think it might be good to set the goal on helping c-... customers when i'm working at the Guitar Center.' I noticed the way he already talked a lot easier to me and i knew that he could get through this. 'Actually maybe i should consider a smaller goal...' Tyler started overthinking it and felt the panic build. Josh interrupted his mumbling of fearful thoughts 'Tyler, i know the goal seems impossible now but we will take small, if needed baby, steps towards it. We have the standard five sessions but when needed i will make sure to get extra sessions after it all. Tyler slowly nodded, not really believing the optimistic therapist in front of him. 

'For today,' i carefully started, 'i will give you the choice between 2 exercises. You can either say hi to three colleagues of mine or we will stay here and practice with eye contact in conversations and talk a bit more about how your brain works and thinks in all of this. Tyler didn't hesitate for a second when he chose option 2. So they started doing eye contact practices, which was very hard for the smaller boy. When he made eye contact whilst talking he felt too vulnerable and was scared to tear up and look weak. We talked about this and i asked him about crying in front of me. His body tensed up just thinking about it and he told me he would never want that. 

When we finished the exercises, i wanted to ask him about the mentioning of the name Blurry in our first session. I didn't know what to ask as i had no idea what he had meant with it. He said he heard it so that could make it a voice in his head right? I looked up to meet eyes with Tyler, realising i hadn't said anything for like 5 minutes. 'Tyler, last session you said something that worried me. Do you remember mentioning some kind of sound named Blurry?' Tyler flinched intensely when i said the last word. Blurry. He couldn't answer and his eyes were wide in fear again. 'Is he a voice you hear Tyler? A scary voice?' Tyler nodded slightly, almost impossible to notice. 'Okay, thanks for telling me that. Can you maybe tell me what he says to you?' I carefully asked. Tyler shook his head and tears started streaming down his cheeks. I moved my chair next to his and grabbed his hands. 'It's okay Tyler. You already took so many steps, every word you say to me is a new step towards feeling better.' Tyler looked up at me, his eyes watery and cheeks red in embarresment 'I- I can't fight against Blurry. H- He.. he will get mad at m- me. You have to forget about him.' Feeling more concerned about Tyler than ever, i thought about exercises and coping methods for him. 'Okay, we will work on Blurry, Tyler. We don't have to erase him but maybe we can make him more positive and less dangerous.' I could see a spark of hope in Tyler's beautiful eyes. Wait... i did what? Anyway, it sounded like a good plan. 'So Tyler, for next time, can you maybe write down 3 things you avoid doing right now because of your anxiety? And we will probably go outside next week.' 'Okay,' Tyler said softly, ' i can do that.' We said our goodbyes and Tyler left Rise. 

'You still here?' Pete asked, seeing me in my office at 5 pm. Normally i would go home around 3 pm, but now i couldn't stop thinking about Tyler. There was something about him that made him different for me in a way that it shouldn't. Seeing the boy cry in front of me today made my heart ache for him. And how i thought of him as beautiful. I knew it already. There was no more denying in having a crush on him. Sadly i knew that i couldn't do anything with it. First of all he was my client, second of all he is probably straight and another reason is that because of his anxiety, dating probably wouldn't be easy for him. So i would just have to move on and hide it for him.

[Tyler POV]  
'Bye Bren!' I said and i closed the door behind him. So nice of him to take me to Rise and bring me home every week. I sat down and tried watching some TV but my mind was wandering off. I was thinking about my session with Josh today. I grabbed my notebook and a pen to write down the avoided things. There were so many to write about, too many. I just chose the three most common ones that i missed the most. 

1 Going outside alone  
2 Doing groceries  
3 Taking the bus

A tear slipped out thinking about the nice walks in the park i used to have. Since my anxiety got so much worse i noticed that strangers would sometimes try to have a little conversation when passing me or sitting down on the same bench as me. I got so scared of that, that i stopped going outside alone. When i was with Brendon, he would just talk for me and get me out of hard situations when he saw me panicking. I felt so sad thinking about everything i couldn't do and i could already sense the familiar voice coming up. 

'See all those things you can't do? You are just worthless. No one cares about you and you can't do anything right so why not give up everything, huh?' Blurry's voice was so loud, it sounded like screaming. I tugged on my hair, pressed my face in a pillow on the couch trying to silence the loud voice but nothing worked. 'You know what is funny Tyler? You know what i find hilarious? You thinking Josh cares about you! He is paid to talk to you and you think he cares!' I just couldn't handle the pain and felt so broken. I hated that Blurry was so right about everything. Blurry kept on going 'It even seemed like you had a little crush on him. Your cheeks turning red and all. He must be disgusted! Why would he like a sobbing boy that can't even talk without stuttering?!' 'YOU ARE RIGHT!' I screamed, hoping that would stop him. But i know that there is only one way that helped. So i went to the bathroom.

I looked at the thin red lines on my arms. Looking at them calmed me down, knowing that this harm wasn't done by anyone else than me. After sitting on the bathroom floor for about 15 minutes i cleaned everything up and went to bed. I felt empty and sleep matched that feeling.


	4. Session 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and Tyler are going to do exercises outside and talk about Blurry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I had a crazy week and no inspiration :( but i just wrote for the past 4 hours and will try to continue daily again!
> 
> Be careful as there is self-harm, self-hatred and panic attacks in the story, stay safe! |-/

[Tyler POV]  
Even though last week was pretty tough and i had multiple panic attacks, i noticed that going to Rise today was getting easier. I even greeted Pete whilst I stared at the floor. Pete noticed the progress and smiled. However, when i saw two other patients in the waiting room, my anxiety peaked and my breath was unsteady and fast. I clutched the list with things i avoid to my chest and quickly walked in sitting in the chair in the corner, the chair that was the furthest away from the others. I started trying breathing exercises but it didn't work. Then i thought of the coping method Josh did with me two weeks ago and i calmed down. Not because i did the exercise of listing things i can see, hear and smell. Because i thought of Josh, his colorful hair, his strong arms and kind eyes. Thinking about him and his gorgeous features made me feel butterflies in my stomach, instead of the usual anxiety. It felt good. I just had to ignore the thought of Blurry and what he had said about Josh. 

I was relieved to see Josh walking in the waiting room and we went to his office. 'Are you okay? You seem a very tensed up.' Josh asked him with a concerned look. 'Just anxious and scared of the exercises we are going to do.' 'Well', Josh said whilst taking the list out of my hands, 'what we are going to do depends on your list.' I already thought he was going to say that but it still triggered a big wave of panic inside of me. Josh noticed it and quickly stepped in to do a few breathing exercises. 'J- Josh don't make me d-do those things i can't do that' i stuttered out. The panic took out all of my self control and my hands held Josh' arm tighly to keep myself from falling. Blurry was screaming in my head 'You are so weird! Can't you see you are scaring him?! He is disguisted by the mess you are! Why would Josh like someone that has ugly scars all over them?!' 

Tears streamed down my cheeks and panic took everything. Until i heard the familiar soft voice 'Tyler look at me! Deep breaths Ty, you are going to be okay.' I heard him but my breath just wouldn't slow down. Then, very slowly, i felt Josh' arms wrap around me. He held me very gently and rubbed small circles on my back. I let out a big sigh in relief. The storm inside me was calming down and i looked up in Josh' eyes 'Thank you, for saving me again. I know i am a mess and you probably think i am awful and...' Josh pulled back a little to take a better look at me. 'Tyler, do you mean all that? Because i think you are one of the most amazing, strongest person i know.' My cheeks turned dark red hearing those words and for a moment i believed him. I couldn't stop myself from stepping closer to him again and hugging him back. 

[Josh POV]  
I knew i shouldn't hug him, but it's just for calming purposes. Or so i told myself. The small boy felt so thin and fragile in my arms. Everytime he looked up at me with his beautiful eyes i felt sparks in my entire body. After 15 minutes of enjoying the feeling that i could keep him safe in my arms, i knew we had to start working. I very slowly pulled away and started 'Can we go outside today? Just walk around, we will see whether we can exercise.' 'O- okay' Tyler mumbled hesitantly, he looked a bit lost and sad losing my embrace. I wish i could just hold him all day, kiss him and tell him how beautiful he is. But i can't and i need to accept that. 

Together we stepped outside the doors of Rise. Next to the centre was a small park with a pond where ducks were swimming. 'Let's sit down there' i said, pointing at a bench in the sun. We sat down and noticed how red his head was and saw sweat forming on his forehead. 'Aren't you warm in your sweater?' I carefully asked. 'Umm... a- a little bit.' Tyler said looking everywhere but me. I didn't know what to say next. I had an idea of what was the problem but i couldn't make assumptions. 

'Tyler, a while ago we talked about Blurry, can you maybe tell me a bit more about him?' I saw the tears forming in his eyes. 'O- okay, i heard him since i- i was eight years o- old when the anxiety st- started. He t- tells me the truth and h- helps me st- stay realistic.' I didn't believe that Blurry was a nice voice so i kept asking 'Can you give me a few examples of what he tells you?' 'N- no, he would get m- mad. He just tells me the truth about how people see me and that i am not worthy and stuff...' Tyler stopped talking as he heard Blurry humming in his voice, letting him know he was saying too much. 'Does Blurry ever tell you to hurt yourself?' I asked softly, couldn't stop the concern filling my voice. Tyler closed his eyes, thinking about what to do now. He slowly nodded once and tears spilled out again. My heart shrunk and i wanted to cry really badly. I pulled him in another shorter hug but i just had to let him know that i cared. 

[Tyler POV]  
His concerned eyes made me tell him everything. I didn't want this but i couldn't stop it. I felt like his embrace was the last thing that kept me from faling apart. He slowly let me go again and looked me in the eyes 'I care about you. You are so strong and brave for telling me this. You have to remember that Blurry is your anxiety, he just tells you the bad things. We are going to work on a voice that tells you the good things, your own voice.' His words gave me a little bit of hope but it was so hard to believe. 'You just say that because it's your work. You get payed for it.' As i looked up i saw him flinching at my words, he looked pained and broken. What had stupid me done now?

'W- what is wrong?' I asked, scared that i hurt the boy who i developed big feelings for. It was weird and awful to admit that to myself that i had fallen for him but it seeing him so hurt was the worst thing i had ever seen. Josh opened and closed his mouth, trying to regain the calmth he was trained to have as a therapist 'I didn't say those things because it's my job, okay? You are special Tyler and i care about you a lot.' I didn't understand why he looked so hurt and was so careful with his words but decided to just accept it, not wanting to make things worse. 'Okay' i answered.

'So', Josh said after a tense silence, 'do you see that boy over there, playing soccer?' I looked over at the field on my left and nodded. 'Let's go ask him whatt tricks he can do!' Josh said. No, that was too much. 'I- i don't know Josh.' 'How about i talk and you just stand next to me and say something when you are ready?' I liked that idea, being in control of when to talk. So we stood up and walked over to the little boy. 

'Hello there! You are so good at that!' Josh said with a friendly smile. 'Thanks!' The boy said 'i am training to become a player for the national team!' Josh said 'That's so cool! Can you show us some tricks?' The boy nodded happily and started bouncing the ball on his head and knees. Josh started clapping and cheering for the boy. When he was done, the boy looked at me 'you want to try it?' This was what i was scared of, being forced to talk. But seeing the boy and Josh looking at me didn't scare me as much as normally. So i said 'n- n- no th- thanks. M- m- maybe Josh wants t- to.' Josh looked at me and smiled very proudly. 'Of course i want to try!' He caught the ball thrown towards him and did a few tricks, failing miserably. The boy was laughing so much, he fell on the ground and his happiness was contagious. This was the happiest i had felt in a long, long time.


	5. Session 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and Tyler go out together to practice in social situations and afterwards have some time left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter for y'all. Hope your still enjoying it. I promise some more Joshler action in the next chapter!

[Tyler POV]  
When i woke up this morning, things felt good. Maybe thats why i'm baking pancakes for Brendon and i. Since my last session with Josh (and Toby the soccerboy) i felt lighter. It was like i knew things could still be okay, that i wasn't unable to feel happiness. Blurry's voice had been softer and less often and i hadn't cut all week. The biggest surprise to me was how i had kind of been looking forward to today, going back to Rise and seeing Josh again. I knew he would never feel the same for me as i do for him, but at least he feels like a friend. 

After Brendon downed most of the pancakes in record time, we got in his car. 'Tyler, i am so happy to say that you are looking good! You seem to do better and these car rides no longer feel like i'm taking you to a slaughter house.' Tyler laughed, knowing the car rides were indeed awful the past three times. 'I have been feeling okay lately. And i don't feel as awful as usual going to therapy today.' Brendon smiled widely 'And is there a special reason for that? Or perhaps a special someone?' 'No!' Tyler quickly said. He looked at Brendon and knew that his fast response and blushing cheeks confirmed his theory. 'Tell me all about him!' Brendon is one of the few people that knows i'm gay, when i told my family they kicked me out. They already found me weird and weak for my anxiety and Blurry but my sexuality made it too much for them, like i am for everyone. Still, Brendon never judged me and helped me find an appartment and a job. 'Nothing is going to happen Bren, he is my therapist, Josh. I like the way he cares about me but he is payed to do so.' Brendon said 'You never know, maybe he feels more as well but is can't tell you because of his job. Just let me meet him and my gaydar and matchmaking skills will tell me everything.' Tyler laughed and knew that that was defenitely not going to happen. 

'Bye Bren, thanks again!' I said getting out of the car. He didn't respond so i looked at him, seeing him look past me at something behind me. I turned around and Josh stood there, leaning against the building whilst smoking. He looked really hot like that and my cheeks were flaming red. Brendon whispered 'Who is that?! I think i am going to hang around here for a while' and he winked. 'T- that's Josh' i brought out, flustered with the feelings. Brendon looked at me with wide eyes 'wow, you are so lucky! You should totally ask him out! Well then i will go again, see you in an hour.' And he drove off. Asking him out, he is crazy. I took a deep breath and prepared myself to see Josh there again. I turned on my heels and tried to walk towards him casually but almost tripped. 

Josh looked up when he heard me gasp and smiled. 'Hey! I thought we could start outside immediately, to save some time. We have a good exercise today!' Josh exclaimed. I sighed 'Wh- what are we going to do today?' Josh took a folded piece of paper out of his backpocket and handed it to me. I read '1 going outside alone 2 doing groceries 3 taking the bus. My list?' 'Yes, i thought we could slowly work our way up to 1. So today we will go get some ice cream by bus, how does that sound?' Josh said. 'Awful' i huffed sassily. Josh pouted and looked like a cute puppy, my heart skipped a beat. For that face i'd do anything. So i forced a smile and managed to get out a 'Let's go!'

We walked to the bus stop and Josh told me that my task was to ask the bus driver for 2 tickets and what stop we had to get out for the ice cream store. The closer we got to the stop, the shakier my hands were. I was breathing really fast and tried to calm myself with the thought of Josh being by my side. 

There it was, the big grey bus slowly stopped in front of us and the doors opened. As i got in and faced the driver, i froze. Then i felt Josh grabbing hold of my shaking hand and squeezing it gently. It gave me encouragement so i started stuttering 'C- can we p- p- please get 2 t-... tickets. And what st- stop is the ice cream st- store?' The bus driver smiled sympathetically 'here you go! And for the ice cream store you have to go out at the Penny Lane stop.' I was breathing too fast to answer and heard Josh thank him. We walked to the back of the bus, Josh' hand still holding mine. 

'I am so proud of you for doing that! You are amazing Ty!' Josh said excitedly. I blushed like crazy at the sweet words and nickname. 'I would never have done that without you Josh. Thank you so much!' I smiled as i felt Josh squeezing my hand lightly again. I wish he would never let go, our hands just felt too perfect together. 

He didn't let go until we heard the computer voice call out Penny Lane. We stood up and my hand slipped out of his. We got in the ice cream store and both picked our flavors. He picked vanilla and i picked strawberry. 'That looks so delicious, can i have a taste?' Josh asked me, of course turning my cheeks red again. I nodded and handed him my ice cream as he gave me his. We took a bite out of each others and even though the ice was cold, i felt so warm inside. Sharing food like that was just too romantic and i felt so happy again. I really wanted to have this with Josh, this relationship. Being able to love him and kiss him. But i knew i couldn't, and when i forgot at moments like this, Blurry was there to remind me. 

When we got back to Rise, we had another 15 minutes left so we went up to the office and sat down together. There was an awkward silence until Josh cleared his throat and started 'You did really well today! I don't really have anything more planned so we can just get to know each other a little bit more if you want or you can go home early.' I smiled thinking about getting to know Josh and answered ' Well i- i have to wait for my friend to pick me up so w- we can hang out if you aren't busy. I don't want to be a burden.' 'You will never ever be a burden to me.' I heard Blurry whispering 'He is such a good person, lying to you so you don't get hurt by the truth...' Blurry's voice faded as i concentrated on Josh who stood up from his usual chair and sat down next to me on the comfortable couch. We sat so close to each other that our legs touched and i was highly aware of that. I looked up at him and to find him already looking at me. I blushed and asked carefully 'Is something wrong?' Josh blushed and stopped staring 'N- no, just looking at you. You have very pretty eyes Tyler Joseph.' And on his face appeared a shy smile. I blushed even more and my crush on him sparked. He drove me crazy. 

[Josh POV]  
I couldn't stop myself from telling him how pretty his eyes are. This small, sweet boy is going to be the dead of me if he keeps smiling and blushing like that. 'Y- you are very pretty too' he shyly said. I felt myself leaning towards him more and more. The urge to kiss his precious lips became so strong but i knew that would be too much. I still leaned in more, but wrapped my arms around him and started tracing circles on his back. I could just feel his relax and wished he had feeling for me too. 'Please don't let me go' he whispered softly. 'I won't' and i held him for what felt like hours. When his phone beeped, he gently pulled away and looked at his screen.

I am here. Don't hurry if you are still in the session, i don't mind waiting. Just letting ya know! - Brendon

Tyler got up and said 'T- thank you for that, i needed that more than anything.' 'I needed it too.' I softly replied. We said our goodbyes and i sat back down on the couch. I missed the warmth of Tyler's body. How was i ever going to live with this crush. I knew i just couldn't. I would tell him, gently and not pushing him. I just had to wait for the right moment.


	6. Session 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and Tyler go to the store to practice more there but on their way back big things happen for the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for y'all! Leaving it on a little cliffhanger!
> 
> This story contains self-harm, anxiety and suicidal thoughts so stay safe! |-/
> 
> Also this chapter contains sexual content but that can be skipped :)

[Tyler POV]  
It was monday afternoon, 3 days until my next session with Josh. I had been feeling bad all day. Blurry was humming and whispering, letting me know he was there. He told me we were going to have fun that night. I was so scared, i knew what he meant. Brendon made me promise to call him when i had the urge to hurt myself, or better said when Blurry had the urge. I wanted to call him but Blurry was stopping me, kept telling me that Brendon would care and that i would be a burden. I was fighting the voice the best i could but the more i tried the louder the voice got.

I made myself some pasta for dinner. I sat down and wanted to take a bite when Blurry started to talk loudly 'You are already so fat and ugly! You don't deserve food! You don't deserve anything; no happiness, no friends and defenitely no Josh! Your crush is getting ridiculous, hugging him like that last time.' Tears streamed down my face. Josh hugged me first! I couldn't help myself from loving him. Everything about him was perfect but we couldn't be a thing and i had to forget about it. 'I know a way to forget...' Blurry whispered softly. And with that, i went upstairs to the badroom and grabbed the razor. I let it travel over my skin numerous times and blood streamed down my wrists. After a lot of cuts, i cleaned them and went to bed to have a night full of nightmares. 

(Next part contains sexual content, can be skipped! Just start reading at the next Tyler POV)

[Josh POV]  
It was monday night, 1 am. I couldn't sleep and kept tossing and turning. It felt like something was wrong and i couldn't help but think it was something with Tyler. I was head over heels for the precious boy. My worries were probably just imagined, i assured myself. I calmed down and thought more about Tyler. The thoughts started with how i could help him more and what we could do next session but slowly turned into thinking about his gorgeous eyes and soft hands i had held in the bus. 

My hand slowly traveled down and i brushed over my slight bulge in my pyjamas. Just the thought of Tyler drove me crazy. I slipped my hands in my bottoms, cupped myself and started to jerk off. I imagined what it would be like to make love to Tyler, very gently and softly. Kissing him all over his body and making him feel good and relaxed. His hands carressing my back. Soft moans slipped out of my mouth and when i felt the knot in my stomach tighten i knew i was close. I went faster and came moaning Tyler's name loudly.

[Tyler POV]  
I took my bandages off and threw them away. I was relieved they healed in time for therapy. If i had to wear bandages today, Josh would definetely notice and i don't want to make things worse with Blurry. I took a shower and waited for Brendon to pick me up.

An hour later i arrived at Rise where Josh was waiting outside again. I sighed knowing we would have a tough exercise again. The next thing on my list was doing groceries. One of the worst things ever, having to talk to the cashier. I always feel so uncomfortable whilst waiting for her to scan everything. I'm pretty sure Josh would just have a fun talk with her, just like Brendon always does. Yes, Brendon does my groceries for me once a week. The last time i went to the store i had a panic attack and walked out holding products without paying for them. A security guard went after me and called me a thief until i could choke out an explaination. Luckily he understood and let me go home. After that incident i never went again. 

'Hey you' Josh greeted me. I was taken away by surprise when he immediately hugged me, after seconds hugging him back. I loved it that we shared hugs now, i felt myself relax in his strong arms. He pulled back and i asked 'Groceries?' He smiled and nodded. I didn't even try to talk myself out of it again, knowing he would convince me to try it anyway. I mean, who could say no to that face. We started walking towards the mall but after a few minutes Josh stopped. He was standing at the bus stop. 'Tyler, it's important to keep up the new things and get used to them.' He exclaimed when he saw me tensing up. I sighed and agreed with him. In the end, taking the bus was something i really wanted to be able to do. 

When the bus arrived and i did the talking again, this time with less stuttering and shaking. Josh still held my hand which i thought was very sweet. On the bus he asked me things about why shopping was so hard for me and i told him about the incident and the awkward silences with the cashiers. He assured me we would pull through it and we decided that i would answer the regular questions asked by the cashier and he would fill the silence with some small talk. I could try to join in on that too. 

And after a while we stood in front of Target. I was trembling with fear. Josh noticed it and asked me 'Do you need the coping exercise, telling me things you see and smell and stuff?' I shook my head as i just wanted to get this over with. We stepped into the store and Josh got us a cart. As we walked along the isles, the anxiety calmed a little bit. I knew this was the easy part and the hardest was yet to come but still... i had missed shopping. 15 minutes long we had fun in the store, Josh made me laugh putting on a silly wig he found and together we found a few items to buy. 'Ready to go to the check-out?' Josh asked. I nodded yes even though every part of my body told me no. 

The cashier at the check-out was a grumpy looking teenage girl. Her name tag told me she was called Daisy. 'Good afternoon umm... Daisy! Love your name!' Josh said. Irrationally it sparked a little bit of jealousy inside of me but i knew he did it to calm me. 'H- hi Daisy!' I stuttered out. She looked bored and uninterested when she said 'Hello. Did you find everything you need?' Josh looked at me and waited for me to answer. 'Y- yes we did.' And with that the girl started ringing up our items and Josh started talking about the weather. He said such cliché things that it would have made me laugh if i wasn't so panicked. I really wanted to join in the conversation, just to make Josh happy. So when the moment was there i said 'Y- yeah, i a-agree.' It came out softer than i intended and Daisy kept talking as she didn't hear me but Josh was smiling at me proudly. Even in the bad lighting of the store, Josh looked so perfect. Daisy broke my staring gaze by asking 'That would be 10 dollars please.' After i handed her the money, i felt courageous and even mumbled a little 'here you go'. She asked me for the receipt and i answered no. 'Bye Daisy!' Josh said happily and i did a little wave to her and quickly walked out of the store. 

'You were so amazing in there, i couldn't believe it!' Do you want to get ice cream and walk back to Rise? The weather really is too nice for the bus.' Josh rambled. I nodded and followed him to the ice cream shop. Later we slowly walked in the park towards Rise, we talked about my anxiety but also about Josh and i learned that he plays the drums and is bisexual which gave me some stupid hope. Especially when i told him about me being gay and seeing his eyes light up a little bit. Or i just imagined it. 

As we had quite a bit of time left we sat down on the same bench as the first time we went to the park. When we met Toby the soccerboy. Today the park was rather empty which was weird for such a sunny day. I was thinking about that for a while when i looked up to see Josh staring at my hand. I looked down at my hand to see what was wrong but saw that my sleeve had been pushed back a little bit but enough to reveal the scarred skin. 'Are those new cuts?' He carefully asked me. I nodded with my eyes full of tears. 'Oh Tyler' he breathed out, pulling me into a hug.

[Josh POV]   
I pulled back a bit and looked at his face. His tearstained cheeks and the pain in his eyes. I just wanted to protect him, make him feel safe and happy. He was so pretty... so pretty. I leaned towards him again, this time face to face. The small boy looked at my lips and my hands cupped his face. Still something inside me stopped me to ask him 'Can i...?' 'Please kiss me' he whispered. And with that i pressed my lips on his soft ones. We kissed gently and passionate. 

After a few moments of showing my affection towards him, we pulled apart gasping for air. When i finally opened my eyes again, i saw Tyler tensing up. Did i do something horribly wrong?


	7. Boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their kiss things seem to go from bad to worse, until Josh and Tyler have a talk together. After everything, the future is what they are looking forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers, almost the ending of the story. Hope y'all like it and enjoy reading!
> 
> This story contains self-harm, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, anxiety and fainting. Please be careful with that and always stay safe! |-/

[Tyler POV]  
'STOP THAT, HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE YOU. HE WILL BREAK YOU TYLER!' Blurry was screaming louder than ever. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks and looked up to see Josh worried and terrified. 'I- i'm sorry.' He stuttered out 'I didn't want to hurt you.' I shook my head in confusion and in an attempt to mute Blurry. 'J- Josh...' was the only thing i could whisper before falling on the ground. 

What felt like days later, i woke up on a couch. When i opened my eyes i recognized Josh' office and couch. I also saw Josh sitting in the chair next to me, asleep. On the clock i read that it was 4 am. I wanted to sit up but my head started pounding and i groaned in pain. This made Josh shoot up and look at me. 'I- i'm sorry' i cried. I knew what happened. Sometimes when the voice gets too much and too loud, my body shuts itself down resulting in fainting. Josh sat down on the couch very close to me 'don't ever be sorry Ty. Brendon told me about the fainting and that you would be okay.' 'B- but i messed up, i scared you off after our kiss because of B- Blurry.' I couldn't stop the tears from falling out. Josh pulled me in a hug that calmed me like magic.

'Thank you' i sighed. His face was came very close to mine, i felt his hot breath on my lips. 'Can i kiss you?' I asked shyly. Josh nodded with his eyes shining with happiness. I kissed his lips softly for a few moments and then pulled back to look at him. 'I love you Tyler' he whispered in my ear. I was taken aback by his words 'Wh- what...?'. Josh smiled a little bit 'I love everything about you. Your eyes, your smile, the way you pout your lips when i put ice cream on your nose and your strength in everything. Would you want to be my boyfriend, Tyler Joseph?' I looked at the wonderful man in front of me, asking me the thing i dreamed of. I knew despite the enormous amount of anxiety this gave me, he would help me with it. So i said yes. He leaned in and captured my lips with his. After that he kissed my nose, forehead, cheeks and all other parts he could reach. I was blushing deeply when he kept saying how long he had wanted to do this. Then our legs tangled up together and he held me in his arms while we both fell asleep. I felt at peace. 

The next day Josh delivered me to Brendon, who would stay with me until wednesday as Josh sadly had to work. Wednesday Josh would come over and hang out with me. I was wondering if it could be considered a date. A date with my gorgeous boyfriend. It sounded incredible. I was pulled out of my slur of thoughts when i saw Brendon looking at me with a tilted head. ‘You okay?’ he asked. I nodded ‘So sorry i didn’t call you when i had the urge’ i whispered out. I felt so guilty. ‘It’s okay T, we will get there someday, you, me and Josh.’ He assured me. I smiled at the mention of his name. ‘Brendon there i something i want to tell you. Josh asked me to be his boyfriend and i said yes.’ Brendon jumped on top of me to hug me and kept saying ‘i knew it, i knew it, he likes you! My gaydar is on point!’ i chuckled at him and told him all about Josh. He listened to every word i said and it felt good. Then i told him about the date and an idea popped up in my head. Do you want to go shopping with me? I need new clothes.’ It was perfect. Josh would be proud of me for going to the mall and i would look better than normal. Brendon agreed and later we bought a new shirt and skinny jeans that were tight enough to show off my body. I talked to the cashier and it went really well.

[Josh POV]  
It was Wednesday and i would head to Tyler’s in an hour. I was quite nervous and didn’t know wear. I felt like a teenage girl on her first date. After four other outfits i went for a white button-up with black jeans. Simple enough. I was also thinking about our therapy. Tomorrow was our last session and the last thing on hix list was going outside alone. Kind of hard to practice. Maybe we should just go to the mall one more time. To make sure that that is going well. I didn’t know yet. I didn’t mind that it was going to be our last session as after that i would be free to date him and i would still help him as well as support him as his boyfriend. i never thought i would fall for a patient of mine and especially not that hard. But i was in love with the small boy.

I rang the doorbell and within seconds, Tyler opened the door. ‘Hey' he said shyly. I smiled, walked inside the hallway and softly pulled Tyler against my chest. ‘Hey beautiful, can i kiss you?’ Tyler nodded and i gently pecked his lips a few times before going in for a loving passionate kiss. Later we are laying on the couch cuddling each other whilst watching disney movies. When the credits of Finding Nemo came on the screen, Tyler looked up at me and whispered ‘tomorrow is our last session, what are we going to do after that? Are you g- going to leave me…?’ He was still very insecure and scared of me leaving while that was nowhere near my plan. ‘No love, i won’t leave you. I love you so much Tyler! After therapy we can go on dates and eventually live together and make memories.’ Tyler started tearing up ‘i would love that Josh, you are the most amazing person in the world.’ And with that we kissed again and started the next movie. I couldn’t concentrate on animated story anymore as one question was beaming through my head; Do you want to move in and live with me? I knew it was too early so i had to wait, first lets have a good last session tomorrow. I looked at my boyfriend and everything felt right, peaceful.


	8. Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their last session has occured and they look forward to their future together, bright and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i did writing it. Have fun!
> 
> Please be aware that this story contains self-harm, panic attacks, fainting, anxiety and other triggers. Stay safe! |-/

[Josh POV]  
It was the next day when we sat next to each other on the couch in my office. The first 30 minutes we spent talking about what he had learnt and accomplished so far, which is a lot. I told him multiple times how proud i am of him and made myself the promise i would never stop telling him that. I felt like he was agreeing with me as he kept smiling a little shy smile, he was looking so adorable! We started making a plan for the next month and set goals for him.

1 go out on walks more  
2 do groceries alone  
3 go to Brendon's upcoming party

It was going to be hard but he did have me by his side now. Being able to call myself his boyfriend felt amazing. The small brunette was soo pretty and sweet and gave the best hugs ever. My happiness keeps going through the roof and i can't contain my big smile to shine through every few minutes. I feel like we are going to have a bright future. 

\- 3 months later - 

[Tyler POV]   
Cinderella runs down the stairs as i rest my head on Josh' shoulder, sighing contently. We are having our traditional Magical Movie Monday, which mostly consists of watching a ton of disney films until it's way too late. But with Josh it feels like time doesn't matter. 

Since our last "session" my life was turned upside down, in an amazing way. I got so much more independent and do a lot of things on my own now. I joined a basketball team, which was hard with the amount of new people i met but i made so many new friends. And finally, Josh asked me to move in with him, into his cozy appartement which is now our cozy appartment. Calling this place, together with this beautiful man, my home is unbelievable and i still can't believe how i got this lucky. I still have my ups and downs but Josh, Brendon and my new group of friends help me through everything and make me stronger than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading my story<3
> 
> I love to hear prompt ideas and opinions down below!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I would love to hear your opinions or ideas for the fic in the comments <3


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